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Archive for December 22nd, 2008

A certain former Libertarian Party employee has chosen to violate my well-considered privacy, using my full real name in an article (thus placing my life in more danger); I’m thinking of deleting my online presence as a result, but I haven’t made a final decision.

Sean’s article reveals a portion of my criminal past that I generally neither conceal nor advertise. I can’t argue that I was not on that train. I wasn’t driving it, and I was under considerable duress, but yes, I was at fault for allowing myself to be psychologically manipulated into behaving unethically over a period of time. I shouldn’t have gotten on the train, I should have jumped off many times; but it had considerable momentum and I stayed on it all the way through to the wreck. Everything that happened there would have happened with or without me, but I should not have been there.

Sean claims I am eternally discredited as a result. Of course, some people say the same about him. I don’t think anyone is irredeemable. I’ve gathered from a number of people that I am not so thoroughly discredited as Sean claims. While Sean and some others are free to believe that me falling off the wagon and having a major relapse several years ago, and acting badly as addicts often do, nullifies everything good I have done or could do before or since as a petitioner, activist, or writer, not everyone feels that way.

Personally, I am a great believer in the certainty that all of us are sinners, and all of us can be redeemed – even me, and even Sean. I’ve heard that Christians, of whom if I understand it correctly Sean claims to be one, believe something similar. Not that the concept is limited to one religion.

I’m in the political struggle for my friends who have lost their lives, limbs, liberty, homes, kids, minds, and more in the “war on drugs,” of which there are many. Friends I have lived and laughed with and loved, some of whom saved my life more than once. I want to put my energy into something that will help end that suffering, the police-prison-industrial complex and the closely linked military-industrial-congressional complex, and the whole force-based political paradigm that makes them possible.

I don’t know how Gary and Sean trying to destroy each other, and putting me in the crossfire, possibly helps my goals. As I commented on IPR,

OK, gotta admit this.

This whole thing is wearing me down pretty bad.

I probably shouldn’t say this to give my haters another reason to gloat, but oh well.

I’m in a bad place now with my finances, health, emotionally…and things are looking to get a lot worse.

I’m trying hard to be positive, and failing.

If I have any real friends or people who care about me who are reading, other than the ones I have been talking to already, please give me a phone call.

For those of you who hate me, congratulations.
Go ahead, gloat away.

Since then, several people have contacted me, and have been helpful. I am grateful for their help.

I’m in no way trying to deny my share of the blame in anything. Just trying to do better. I hope everyone else at least tries to, as well.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Festivus for the rest of us, or solstice holiday of your choice, and a better new year to all you saints and sinners; thanks for reading, and be blessed.

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