For context see
OK, I can see a case for the Armadillos.
I’ll have to kill one soon so that I don’t allow this nagging sense of sympathy to make me weak in the new year.
As for the city inspectors, well, it’s like Jo Dee Messina says in My Give A Damn’s Busted
I really wanna care
I wanna feel something
Let me dig a little deeper
No, sorry, nothing
Now, as for the Tulapoki holiday, we will not allow your Eurocentric culture to marginalize our beliefs and defang us, like some sad looking natives performing in a traveling carnival for the amusement of the booboise, or left to sell trinkets by the side of the road and sniff glue.
We will break our chains like King Kong, sacrifice armadillos and city inspectors in the traditional way, much as our ancestors have done since way back in the 1980s, and we will do our funky fire dance.
For, while we can do this funky dance, the armadillo dance (sorta like the funky chicken, but even funkier) we know that our spiritual funky brothers, James Brown and Gerald Ford, live on in spirit through our wild barbaric joy.
But we are educated savages; we can use wikipedia and google, and learn that Because of the phytoestrogen content, some studies indicate that there is a correlation between a soybean-rich diet and a decrease in the level of testosterone in men;
A study carried out at the Royal Victoria Hospital in Belfast linked soy to male infertility, including damage of reproductive capability already caused during childhood.
Yes, foolish unbelievers, this time we know the hidden agenda behind your nanny state’s kind and gentle cultural meddling:
Those busybody city inspectors want to emasculate us and take away our mojo.
Well, this time they have another thing coming!
We will head them off at the pass and impale them on our barbecues, and please the Gods with their sacrifice as we eat their half-cooked brains and do our funky armadillo dance.
And then we will go out as missionaries and lure your daughters into our tribe with the forbidden knowledge and magic we possess. We’ll start by telling the wide-eyed young ones that Santa is just as an anagram for Satan as we feed them our candy canes.
We might even dress up as Santa next year, the better to lure them back to our slay, whoops, I mean sleigh.
Tofu’s for sissies!
We’ll eat our Hoover Hogs with pride (see wikipedia article on armadillos)
and as for aardvarks…mmmmm, bacon. (wikipedia aardvarks).
And may the chintzy souls of the nanny state city inspectors go through ever more horrible reincarnations in deeper levels of hell with every lifetime for all eternity! They can take their bitch-ass complaining neighbors with them.
In the name of the Aardvark, the Armadillo and the Holey Anteater, Amen!