For context see
http://thirdpartywatch.com/2006/12/24/merry-christmas-2/
OK, I can see a case for the Armadillos.
I’ll have to kill one soon so that I don’t allow this nagging sense of sympathy to make me weak in the new year.
As for the city inspectors, well, it’s like Jo Dee Messina says in My Give A Damn’s Busted
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/jo+dee+messina/my+give+a+damns+busted_10150338.html
I really wanna care
I wanna feel something
Let me dig a little deeper
No, sorry, nothing
———————————————————————-
Now, as for the Tulapoki holiday, we will not allow your Eurocentric culture to marginalize our beliefs and defang us, like some sad looking natives performing in a traveling carnival for the amusement of the booboise, or left to sell trinkets by the side of the road and sniff glue.
We will break our chains like King Kong, sacrifice armadillos and city inspectors in the traditional way, much as our ancestors have done since way back in the 1980s, and we will do our funky fire dance.
For, while we can do this funky dance, the armadillo dance (sorta like the funky chicken, but even funkier) we know that our spiritual funky brothers, James Brown and Gerald Ford, live on in spirit through our wild barbaric joy.
But we are educated savages; we can use wikipedia and google, and learn that Because of the phytoestrogen content, some studies indicate that there is a correlation between a soybean-rich diet and a decrease in the level of testosterone in men;
A study carried out at the Royal Victoria Hospital in Belfast linked soy to male infertility, including damage of reproductive capability already caused during childhood.
Yes, foolish unbelievers, this time we know the hidden agenda behind your nanny state’s kind and gentle cultural meddling:
Those busybody city inspectors want to emasculate us and take away our mojo.
Well, this time they have another thing coming!
We will head them off at the pass and impale them on our barbecues, and please the Gods with their sacrifice as we eat their half-cooked brains and do our funky armadillo dance.
And then we will go out as missionaries and lure your daughters into our tribe with the forbidden knowledge and magic we possess. We’ll start by telling the wide-eyed young ones that Santa is just as an anagram for Satan as we feed them our candy canes.
We might even dress up as Santa next year, the better to lure them back to our slay, whoops, I mean sleigh.
Tofu’s for sissies!
We’ll eat our Hoover Hogs with pride (see wikipedia article on armadillos)
and as for aardvarks…mmmmm, bacon. (wikipedia aardvarks).
And may the chintzy souls of the nanny state city inspectors go through ever more horrible reincarnations in deeper levels of hell with every lifetime for all eternity! They can take their bitch-ass complaining neighbors with them.
In the name of the Aardvark, the Armadillo and the Holey Anteater, Amen!
Holy shit, you had way too much fun with this, LOL.
Yeah, I guess you can tell I’m slightly bored, huh?
It’ll happen. You don’t hear me complaining though.
Latest from the TPW thread
# Nigel Watt Says:
December 27th, 2006 at 10:02 am
I started this thread pro-armadillo, but I’ve defected. Don’t try to marginalize Tulapoki, you insensitive Eurocentric WASPs!
# Phil Sawyer Says:
December 28th, 2006 at 12:24 am
Thank you, Trent. A rare voice of sanity, you have!
As for you, “paulie,”: What can I say? It sounds as though you are writing satire but I’m not certain what the underlying message is. You should remember that Jesus astounded some of His followers when He decided to break bread with the tax collectors (who were even more reviled back then than they are now days). Furthermore, He was able to forgive those who tortured and crucified Him. Is it really so difficult to have a little sympathy for the city inspectors? Hey, I work for the County of Sacramento! Are we next on the endangered list?
How about some Viagra with your tofu?
# paulie cannoli Says:
December 28th, 2006 at 10:37 am
ph)As for you, “paulie,”:
p) Why the quotes? My name is Paul.
ph) It sounds as though you are writing satire but I’m not certain what the underlying message is.
p) The medium is the message. We live in a mess of an age, and we’ll make our armadillo sacrifices a rare medium well done. Sat ire is in the I of the bee holder.
ph) You should remember that Jesus astounded some of His followers when He decided to break bread with the tax collectors (who were even more reviled back then than they are now days). Furthermore, He was able to forgive those who tortured and crucified Him. Is it really so difficult to have a little sympathy for the city inspectors? Hey, I work for the County of Sacramento! Are we next on the endangered list?
p) I would give you every chance to repent, like Saul of Tarsus, who after all did not continue his job as a tax collector after he became a Christian.
But yes, I would in fact put all monopoly-government jobs on the endangered list.
Would individuals who enforce unjust government edicts be on the endangered list? I suppose that could happen somewhere. I hold no personal animosity to every government agent, so my best advice is to think for yourself and not do anything that violates your conscience on behalf of the job. Or better yet quit, and find a job in the private sector or better yet still be self-employed, if possible.
That tax collectors are less reviled now than then is a sign of decline in our modern times. We ought to harken back to our roots on that one.
I have sympathy for all humans, but at some point, if they are in the midst of violating someone’s rights, I won’t cry if they get hurt for that. If enough of that happens, there will be less incentive to engage in evil-doing. For example, see the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising.
ph)How about some Viagra with your tofu?
p) I prefer armadillo brains. They taste better. Also, more organic.
Sacrificing armardillos is a sacred tribal tradition dating back to our distant ancestors in the mysterious club scene of the 1980s. Way back before techno was even called techno, even. You just can’t mess with our ancient ways without causing us to rise up and defend our culture, our tradition, and the angry spirits of our ancestors.
Non-believers, fair warning has been given: don’t mess with the armadillos sacrifices! It may just be the leprosy and mad armadillo brain disease, but we can be an ornery, violent bunch when our sacred traditions and inalienable rights are messed with, just like our spiritual ancestors ranging from the American colonialists who flew the Gadsden flag (a coiled serprent and the logo, don’t tread on me) to Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse to Nat Turner.
Like the Beastie Boys, we will fight for our right to party. And like Flavor Flav and Chuck D said we’ll be a party for our right to fight. Yeah, boyeeeee. I love New York.
City inspectors? Repent or die!